Saturday, May 9, 2009

People Who Can Help Me Rule the World

There are some people who Just Get It. They understand everything from the most mundane inability of a conservative Xian to laugh at a Jesus Joke to the great Cosmic Wonder of It All as expressed by Douglas Adams.

These people understand how the world works, how it should work, and how to get from point A to point B.

And they usually have a great kick-ass sense of humor, too.

When I'm the Benevolent Overlord, these people will have a special place in my empire...

Peter Anspach is the original Evil Overlord aspirant. He's been thinking about this since 1994, and he's on the right track. Unfortunately, he's just a little too evil, and not ambitious enough to actually take over the world. That said, he'll make a great minion. I'll probably put him in charge of my Secret Thought Police ("If you can't think, we'll be coming for you!").

Besides, Evil Overlords may have the best super secret volcano lairs, but Benevolent Overlords get the job done.

Friday, May 8, 2009

my golf courses will have real hazards

Golf courses are a complete waste of resources, especially in the West where water is increasingly scarce. Golf as a sport is too passive, too relaxing. Even Tiger Woods can't make golf exciting.

Golf needs needs some excitement. Definitely some danger.

A few shallow pools of water, or a little bit of sand just aren't really hazards.

Golf courses just aren't doing anything to improve our species, and it's time to change that.

After I take over, all my golf courses will have real hazards. I think this would really liven things up, don't you?

They call them bunkers, why don't they have machine guns in them?

I'm thinking something a little more intense. I think I'll start with alligators. After that, how about a few of the most dangerous animal in Africa ? Maybe some mine fields?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I'm going to have to reconsider the whole freedom of religion thing...

It's news like this that convinces me that I can't take over soon enough. You people are just screwing up by the numbers. You keep proving that you just can't be trusted with your own responsibilities.

The more you go to church, the more likely you support torture. WTF?!

Frankly this just doesn't surprise me. I was raised in a conservative church. One that had Sunday school, high moral standards, did charity work and believed that we are all God's children. By high moral standards, I mean that the (male) Church leadership caused a scandal by (getting caught) hiring prostitutes for its annual retreat. But it was okay, they asked for and received forgiveness.

Come on. So. The people who are most likely to demand their free speech rights, expect religious freedom (for themselves, not others), and claim the moral high ground believe that it's acceptable to torture another of God's creatures. No need for due process, conviction of a crime. You can torture anyone who is different, or is "scary".

You're scary, and I've had just about enough.

After I take over, the state religion is going to be Pastafarianism. Yup, you're all gonna be the Flying Spaghetti Monster's bitches. But it'll all be okay. It's beer and strippers for everyone! You're all going to be much happier after I take over.

I'm going to have a few words with the religious leaders. I'm going to take that "render unto Caesar" to a whole new level. Mark my words.

Monday, May 4, 2009

I Can Make The World A Better Place, if you'll let me...

Who hasn't thought about this at least once in their lives? When we see people making poor choices, government or companies abusing their power and leverage...

Stupid people in "10 items or less" checkout line with 15 items...

Well, I've had enough.

I'm prepared to take one for the team and solve all the world's problems.

Trust me.